We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
