In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
