you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
