***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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