Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
