I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i think my cat just said my name.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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