I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
