Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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