Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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