She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
