All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Two words: nipple clamps
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