There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The adults are the big ones right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
