Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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