This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm really busy with my period
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