I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
