2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
