Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
