ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
