too bad you live with your parents still
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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