just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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