escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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