Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
