i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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