eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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