so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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