if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
