she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
