he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
