That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
