Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
