Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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