I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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