dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
