How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
