so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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