my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
