I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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