Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
