sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
