dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
