i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
