I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
