1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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