omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
