Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
