I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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