Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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