Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
