when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
