i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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