24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
