ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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