So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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