even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
