it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
