Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
