every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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