it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
