my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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