I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
