The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
