I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
