ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
