Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
