I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
