they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
