Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize