I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You've changed since you got that strap on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
