So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize