I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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