let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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