I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
