I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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