Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
