I met the friendliest cop last night
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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