Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
