they need to just BURY HIM!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
