i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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