Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
