I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.