I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize