planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
