Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
