Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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