At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
