I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
