I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
