dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
