if you like me you must not know who I am
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
