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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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